Be the person you're supposed to be.

There comes a time in everyone's life where you start to look around and realize that something is wrong. Is something actually wrong? Maybe, maybe not. But you WILL look around and start to question it. Are you doing what you want to be doing? Are you saying and doing the things you want to say and do? Have you made all of the wrong decisions? Who knows. But one things for sure, you will think about it. You'll start to think as well if you're being yourself. If there's something you are holding back. If you are living the way you want to live. Well, let this happen sooner than later.

Too many people wait a long time to fully start being themselves. Get to fifty, or sixty, and finally start living the way they've always wanted to live. Why not do it earlier? Because earlier, at a younger age, you are around people. "TERRIBLE", "SCARY" people, who will 'judge' you for everything you do and say. Will they actually? Hard to say. Some people WILL for sure. Others? You're probably just making it up out of fear. So, when we're younger, and in school or at jobs with people constantly around us, we put on fronts so as not to be judged. Then, when we're older, and around the least amount of people we've ever been around, we start being ourselves.
"Look at me! I'm eighty. Alone on my porch. And you know what? I ALWAYS thought the Stones were better than the Beatles. There, I said it. You hear me world! The STONES are better than the BEATLES!"

That's also the time when people start wearing what they want to wear. Not EVERYTHING calls for good clothes. You ever see someone at Wal-Mart and think what they're wearing is garbage?
"Woa. Look at that guy. Flip flops and a sleeveless 'Duck Dynasty' t-shirt. Are they crazy?"
Are you? It's Wal-Mart! It's a place where you can buy cookies AND pants. You can get your car fixed AND pick up diapers. THAT'S considered some sort of red carpet affair? No. Some of these people are criminals, sure, but most have reached a place where they don't care what you think of them. What you're wearing in a place like that shouldn't matter. In most places, really. I can't wait until people stop caring what others are wearing at award shows.
"Brad! You look so nice tonight. Who are you wearing?"
"Who I want. Blow me."
".... Well they make a nice suit."

School can be awful place for being yourself. It starts thoughts in us that we believe for way too long. Not only because people will bully you, which yes, can be terrible. More so because, people higher up don't instil enough to young people that THIS STUFF DON'T MATTER. You don't have the best jeans so people make fun of you? Don't matter! You're dating a person that some other loveless piece of garbage doesn't find attractive? Don't matter! That should be a full class in school. 'Don't Matter 101'.
"Hey, kids. Thanks for being here today. You'll notice I'm wearing just a speedo and a hockey helmet. Why? It don't matter. When a kid makes fun of wear you come from? Guess what? One day you'll BOTH be terrified about the prospect of dying. What they say don't matter. Somebody says your girlfriend or boyfriend is ugly? Guess what? One day you'll BOTH be wondering what the point of all this is. It don't matter. Your homework is to tell everyone to shove it."

What's nuts as well, is that when you start being the person you are supposed to be, you start wearing what  you want to wear, when you walk the way you want to walk, people start saying you're crazy. When you step outside of the norm, people start saying that you are crazy, that you are going insane, that you are losing your mind.

"Are you NOT wearing a snap back hat? Wow. What are you nuts? We are ALL doing it. Why would you not do this? Why would you buy a peacoat that's NOT black? Look around you? EVERYONE is wearing a black one. Straighten up!"

Saying someone is 'crazy' is a very simple way of pretending to be cool, and dismissing someone. If you say they're 'crazy', you don't have to find out anything about them, why they do what they do, or what they think. In your mind, they're crazy, so who cares? Not you. 

Most things we think are cool are made up anyway. Not in a weird negative way, but most things are fabricated to look cool, to make you look cool, or to make you feel that you should be doing whatever is going on to be cool, be considered cool, or whatever. You think what you're watching on TV has a group of cool, hip, fun people who want to be there? They are probably paid to do so! Dr. Phil's audience gets fifty bucks to sit there. I'm sure some of them want to be there anyway, but fifty bucks! Some women at clubs are paid to be there! You walk into a club, see a guy sitting there with four hot girls, and think, 'that guys awesome.' Those women are being paid! They're being paid so people like you think that place is awesome and you keep going back! You ever go into a place and think it's dead? It's probably because the manager of the club doesn't have the budget to pay the women to show up.

"Okay, we've installed your bar, DJ booth, and bathroom attendant. Now, let's talk money for these hot women that will dance here."

"Money? No, women will just show up, right? The really, really hot ones... right?"

"Stupidly hot women don't just DO anything. Where she goes, people follow. So what's her incentive to be here?"

"... Because this is the place to be?"

"Where SHE is is the place to be. When she's grocery shopping? THAT'S the place to be. Get your shit together, man."

Either way, be you. We're still having debates about whether or not someone lives in the sky. Wear the god damn hat if it makes you happy.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

Fred Phelps died.

This week, Fred Phelps, the head of the Westboro Baptist church passed away. What is the reaction? Everyone on twitter starts making snarky, gross tweets about how great that is. Such a glorious day when a man who got a family of people to make awful comments and signs about others can get a taste of his own medicine when he passes away. 'God Hates Phelps', 'Fags Killed Fred', or whatever else people want to post. Take that, Fred. Suck it, you old fag hater! Even though I understand people rejoicing in the fact that he's gone, what I don't fully understand is how hating a man who hated others stops or helps hate?

When people who Fred and his family thought were terrible died, they laughed, joked about it on-line and made gross signs to show the world. When a member of their family dies,we have decided to take some of those same tactics and send them their way. Laugh about it, joke on twitter and Facebook. Trying to come up with the snarkiest response we possibly can.
"Oh, Fred Phelps died? Here's a hilarious statement about that!"
Is it that funny? What are you putting into the earth here? Negative comments about a negative commenter? What does that prove?

This is not defending him or the Westboro baptist church, either. Not at all. What they believe and have said and done are really terrible, hateful things. It's interesting to me though that we solely see 'evil' people. There are documented cases of family members from that church breaking out, and starting their lives again. Changing the way that they think, act and live. Everything in that family was taught. They were not born believing what they do. The were systematically built to hate. It's interesting that when we don't like what someone says. we write them off as evil and broken. No way Fred didn't have some of this junk pumped into him as a kid. Interesting that there's no thought on our side to help these people. And we're supposed to be the loving, caring, excepting side. But when you do not think like us, well then your death is hilarious.

What I mean is that there are basically two sides here. Their side, the Westboro church side, and our side. Our side being any one who doesn't believe in what they do. Which, is a MUCH higher number of people. Their camp probably has one hundred people? Our side likes gay people, wants everyone to get along, and doesn't believe in hate. But, WE are in the right for using their tactics because we have more people on our side? If they had more followers, would what they do be okay?

"God Hates Fags? That's terrible."

"I thought so too, man, until I saw that they have millions of subscribers to their newsletter."

"Woa, millions? Huh. Yeah, god MUST hate fags! So many people believe it!"

Laughing at his death is the exact same thing as him laughing at other peoples deaths. Except that we think we are right for doing it, and he and his family thought they were right for doing it. That is really the only difference. We believe they're wrong, and they really believe that we are. 

These people have gone wrong. They have been lead astray in a gross fashion. Isn't there any sympathy for that? If you are born into this life, behind a wall and with people who 'love' you around you telling you that god hates this and that, how would you turn out? You'd be a hero? You'd be able to stand up at ten and go, 'this is not right. You are all saying ridiculous things.' No.
And yes, the leader of this thing has passed away. But someone did this to him. This has been passed down for years. And is the curse broken now? Are the rest of the church going to wake up like pod people?
"Oh, wow. What the hell am I doing? Making a sign that says god hates fags? Why the hell am I doing this!? Last thing I remember was heading to school. I'll go back to that."

It will be nice one day when we can wish or hope for sick people who don't believe in the advancement of humanity can find the error in their ways instead of gloating, making jokes, and celebrating when they die. I just don't understand how hate beats hate. It makes us feel better in the short term, but long term there's got to be a better way. We are all held back when we hold onto anger and resentment for others. Also, it's way to easy to make jokes about people ESPECIALLY when you're saying the same things that they already said back to them.

Banning Words.

Currently there is a campaign to 'Ban Bossy'. To ban the word bossy from existence because of it's effect on women in the work place. I do not have an aversion to this campaign because I have any problem with women, or feminism, or to people being marginalized. I have an aversion to the banning of words.

What I'm not clear on is why the move is to ban the word. A word hurts you, so we get rid of it? Why not move to have people be stronger? Can't we teach people to be tougher?
"That word hurts."
"Okay. It's gone. What have you learned?"
"... That... bad things... are always going to go away?"
As we al know, bad things will not go away. Bad or negative things are going to be out there and have to be fought all the time. Have to be avoided all the time. They will NOT just go away because you don't like them.
"Give me your money!"
"I ban you! I ban you to hell!"
".... Sure. Give me your money still."

Years ago teachers would tell kids that words don't hurt. Taught kids to not let them bother them. Remember 'Sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me?" What are we changing that to? "Sticks and stones may break my bones but if you call me a name I'll get a bunch of celebrities together to ban it out of existence forever!"
And 'bossy'? Out of all the things that women can be called. Bitch is a bad one. How about cunt! That ain't banned. You can't really say it, but it's a bad thing to call someone. Have they not tried to ban that because it's SUCH a bad word? That campaign would be weird.
"Hi. I'm Beyonce. And you know, I never liked being called a cunt. All day on twitter. 'You're a dumb cunt!' 'Go dance, cunt!' 'What did you do to the rest of the cunts from Destiny Child, cunt!' It's just too much. So, I would like this word banned. Let's 'Run-t Cunt' out of town."

I understand the meaning behind it. People call women bossy who have positions of power or want them, or are trying to get them. So some women hear that if they are in charge, the will be labeled bossy, and therefore are discouraged. But banning words is scary. And, it's not 'men' who call women bossy. It is 'idiots' who do. Idiots are saying these things. Idiots are the ones that say 'that's gay', idiots are the ones that are racist. Idiots are the ones that tell women to get back in the kitchen. If idiots say something, and we say it should be banned, are we not in some weird way giving power to idiots? We're saying that what they say is so strong, it shouldn't even be admissible in court. If you don't pay attention, take no heed, they have no power.

It is strange that there is a campaign to ban a word, while there could be a campaign with these strong, powerful women about being strong, powerful women. Instead of that, they ban a word.
"I'm Condoleezza Rice. I was called 'bossy' on my journey to where I am. I'm here to say, you will be called that as well, but DO NOT let it bother you. The people who are saying are afraid of you and the power that you have. Teach them that they should be by not paying attention to what they say about you."
Couldn't that be a bit more of what this campaign is? Banning words doesn't help other words from being said. Or different words that have the exact same affect. Teaching people to rise above the words and terms that could be thrown their way.

There is no way that they did not deal with criticism on the way up. Did they want those words banned then? Or those connotations? No. They fought past them. Now that they are on top, they want to tell other people to do it differently? It's strange.
"Ban these words that affected me on my rise."
"But you didn't ban them before?"
"No, you're right. I fought past them. I realized that I was stronger than them and forged ahead. But should other people be as strong as me? No. Because it's hard. Ban the word."

I am called a 'ginger' on a fairly regular basis. Few times a month somebody will say it in some way. I don't like it. Do I want it banned? No. I don't like being called it, but it's still here. People who call me that are not talking to me like a human being. They are talking to a 'ginger' in their eyes. Even though I don't like it, I would not ever want to ban it. You can't ban stupid. It's out there. Look out!

Twitter @nathanmacintosh