Alec Baldwin quits public life!

And it's our fault. We pushed him away. We have pushed away a ridiculously talented and funny man. Why? Because we NEED to see what he is up to at all hours. We need to see every move he makes. And we're never just happy with them 'walking' or 'eating', we like the explosions. This man has exploded, people watched, so now people keep trying to get him to explode. And he's out. Hope you like Stephen or Daniel Baldwin because that's what we've got now. Not to make fun of those guys, just saying.

Some celebrities would like to have somewhat of a normal life. We act as if celebrities are pieces of garbage for that.

"They're famous! They asked for people to take pictures of their children! They have decided to be picked on by people they'll never meet!"

I remember people in school who got picked on all the time would CHANGE SCHOOLS. That's the regular person equivalent of checking out of the spotlight. Everyone in this particular place hates you, goads you into things, talks about you constantly. So you go to another place where that may not happen. Where people don't think you're a 'stupid head' or whatever they have chosen to call you.

People think Alec is an animal for attacking cameramen. I think that MORE CELEBRITIES SHOULD PUNCH CAMERAMEN. Why are these cameramen thought of as sacred cows? Why do we get so upset when they are punched?

"He hit a cameraman! How could he do that!? That's a damn CAMERAMAN! That's like hitting a kid! Or a tree! Or the kid of a tree!"

We don't like people looking at us on the train. If someone followed you around all the time, RIGHT IN YOUR FACE, pushing past you, trying to catch you doing something, wouldn't you at some point take a swing at this person? No? THEY'RE in the right? Remember in school when people would do this? When someone would pick on someone until they fought back, and then the person doing the picking on would go to the teacher, 'So-and-so hit me!' Remember there was a time when the teacher would ask, 'Well, what did YOU do? Who started it?' Now there's none of that. Who cares who started it, right? He hit a goddamn cameraman! One of the most beautiful professions we have on this planet! The most sacred of human beings! A CAMERAMAN! It's like hitting Mother Teresa, but with a camera!

One reason it's ridiculous is that NO ONE CARES AT ALL if a celebrity is hit. If a cameraman grabbed Dame Judy Dench and shook the hell out of her, the video footage of it would go viral. There would be a slow-mo version, a dance version, an auto version. Tons of comments underneath.

"Hahah. That old bag got SHOOK!"

"That bitch's head looked like it was about to fall off!"

"President Obama is black and therefore I don't like him."

Some things stay constant.

If being a celebrity means that people will follow you around, get in your face and not leave you alone, people have to understand that being a person who follows, annoys and goads celebrities ALSO COMES WITH SOME STIPULATIONS. You could get KNOCKED OUT! You could get swore at or told off. Why? Why are you above that? WHY! Because you get PAID to take pictures? EVERYONE IS TAKING PICTURES! You are not a hero. These celebrities aren't punching kids. Or screaming at the elderly in the street. They are yelling at people who DESERVE TO BE YELLED AT.

People get REALLY hung up on the fact that Alec Baldwin may or may not have called someone a 'cocksucking fag.' Are we serious? Let's throw everyone away who has ever said that. Do you know who you're tossing away into the pit of shame? JUST ABOUT EVERYONE! Your grandmother, that guy over there, ANY MAN UNDER THE AGE OF 30 WHO WENT TO SCHOOL IN THE 90'S, ANY MAN UNDER THE AGE OF 40 WHO WENT TO SCHOOL IN THE 80'S. Cops, politicians. MY MOM! She may not have said 'cocksucking fag', but 'cocksucker?' Oh yeah. We were poor. That got said. SO MANY PEOPLE have said these things! Should ALL these people go to hell? Even people who would be offended by it have used it in an offensive way! Is it offensive? Sure. Was it ALWAYS taken so literally? Nope. Most of these things are just bad words, that people say in anger. The only thing behind it is, 'I'm angry, so swearing is going to take place.' Is fellatio-giving homosexual better? Hard to find that in a fit of rage.

And we're hanging onto the fact he called someone a 'toxic little queen'? Jesus, man. There is probably a script RIGHT NOW on a Disney executive's desk that describes an evil person in it the same way.

"I WANT to like this story. I do, but you described the villain as a 'toxic little queen?"

"Yes. She's a queen, who has a toxic attitude and demeanour. Surrounds herself with negativity."

"So you hate gay people."

"What?"

"Queen means gay. Always. Even if you're talking about Queen Elizabeth. You've just said 'Gay Elizabeth', which is offensive. Take this script down to Happy Madison where I'm SURE they'll find a home for it."

We REALLY want celebrities to mess up. REALLY BAD. It's so great when they do! People were just about to take a picture of their bagel and post it online, and then a celebrity called a dolphin a fish. Thank Jesus! Now you have something to talk about! Everyone knows you can't call a dolphin a fish. It ain't a goddamn fish! 

"Alright, I'll post this picture o... Woa! Kanye said what?! You'll have to wait until tomorrow, picture of pancakes with syrup on them, right now I've got to tear someone apart!"

We love to say that people have shown their true colours. There's no 'true colours' for good things. People only say it when it comes to negative stuff. 

"Tom has punched kids, spit at women, but he just donated a bunch of money to charity and hugged every amputee on the planet. Finally showed his true colours."

If today, Muhammad Ali kicked an animal, people would say he's showing his true colours. Forget all the things he's done. All the good in this world. He kicked a dog. That's it. When he died, that's all people would tweet.

"Yeah, he was the greatest. GREATEST DOG KICKER! #Fuckem."

"Float like a butterfly, kick a dog like a bee! #Alwaysknewhewasdirt"

"Parkinson’s is karma for kicking that dog! #karma #dogsaregreat #burninhell."

It's ridiculous. Because you do a bad thing or say a bad thing, that doesn't inherently make you a bad person. We have all done, and said bad things that we regret.

We don't want celebrities to complain. Once they say anything, it's 'Yeah, but go to hell. You're a MILLIONAIRE. You can't complain ever. Never! Everything that happens to you is evened out by the fact that you can buy a Maserati, drive it down the street and have us take pictures of it and throw things at it. Oh, someone threw a milkshake at it? Get it cleaned, millionaire."

Celebrities are people and people can complain. Should we all the time? No. Are a lot of our complaints unwarranted and babyish? Sure. But we are allowed them. Alec Baldwin's article is posted below. 

twitter @nathanmacintosh

http://www.vulture.com/2014/02/alec-baldwin-good-bye-public-life.html

Hockey. Like it!

Growing up, I never liked hockey. Yep. Growing up in Canada, I never liked it. Always thought it was dumb. One reason, is probably that I was supposed to like it being from Canada. It was ALWAYS ON. People ALWAYS talked about it. Kids wanted to play it. It was all over the place. That pushed me away from it.
"Hey, we're all talking this thing and watching it on TV as much as possible. You want in?"
"Can we talk about or watch something else?"
"What did you just say? Hockey! We're talking HOCKEY! Are you dumb? H-O-C-... and the other letters!"

Also, because everyone in school who liked hockey talked about watching it with their dads. Almost one hundred percent of the time. I didn't have that growing up. Not too many people watched hockey with their moms alone.

"Me and my mom were watching hockey last night. Just the two of us. Then we did some electrical work around the house and my mom taught me how to pick up chicks. She's the best."

That conversation rarely happened. Watching with a dad? Happened every day. 

Now though, I'm a fan. I've been to a few games, I'll watch it on TV whenever I get the chance. 

I became a fan about a year and a half ago. I was walking to a show in NY just after the last NHL lockout ended. Walking past a bar, I looked in at a TV, and saw a player from the Bruins squaring off against a player from the Rangers. I'm looking at them punch each other, and I thought why the hell have I never liked this? Those men... are fighting... on skates. Skates! While on ice! Fighting on the ground is hard. Skating is hard. Fighting on skates on ice? Insane. Getting punched in the face while you stand on a slippery surface wearing knives? Unreal. Became a fan right there.

Not just because of the fighting. I'm not a fan of UFC, or watching two animals fight in the street, but fighting is such a gentleman thing in hockey. One reason, because now when players fight they are not allowed to take their helmets off. So what do players do when they're going to fight? They look at each other, and each player takes the others helmet off. That's some pure gentleman stuff right there.

I love that problems are settled right then and there. You don't like how you were hit? Or how a guy crashed into your goalie? Or some dude just keeps chirping you? Fight him. Right there. There's no waiting until after the game to complain to the press. You never see hockey players after the games talking about fights during press conferences, because that problem is SOLVED.

That's not the only reason I like hockey. I tried to get into football, but for me there's too much stoppage in play. Football, when a guy who has the ball gets tackled, most times there's a whistle. In hockey, a guy who has the puck will get rocked in the middle of the ice. He'll lose his stick, his helmet will blow off, his soul is cracked. Do they blow a whistle? Do they stop play so that this man can collect his thoughts and catch up with everyone? Nope. He has to just pick his life up while the game goes on around him. 

"Is NO ONE going to stop? Do they not see me here? One of my arms blew off! My kids are yelling from the stands that I'm a loser! You're just going to skate BY me? I see how it is, guys. Wait til you catch a puck in the face. See if I care!"

Going to NHL games live is great. I've been to a game in Jersey, New York, and Long Island. New Jersey and Long Island have some great fans. People screaming at guys for messing up simple things. First two minutes of the Islanders game, a player missed a pass, and a fan lost it.
"What the hell are you doing? Get off the goddamn ice! Undress and get the hell out of here!"
First two minutes. Just a regular season game. Guy losing his mind.
It's a small thing, but I like at NHL games too that during the game, the building doesn't play music over top of it. I've always thought that was weird about basketball games. Players have to listen to concerts during games.
"Started from the bottom now I'm here!"
"Drake, can you get off the damn court? I'm trying to shoot a three."

I got up at 630am to watch the Gold Medal game of the Olympics. Years ago I would have just made fun of it and slept in, waking up to here people talking about what happened and still not caring. I'm happy I like it now. Now I just need a dad to talk to about it! Jokes. Just jokes, guys.

To really get a hockey experience while reading this, listen to some ACDC while doing it.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

Rap, commercials, life. Cool ain't cool.

The image that gets shown to us as cool makes me upset. I get really mad about it. One thing that is apparently cool is to act hard, have sex with tons of women, and call them bitches.
"Hey, look at that guy. He can't string a sentence together and he called that girl a bitch because he had sex with her and he doesn't want a relationship. Cool as hell."
It isn't. It's ridiculous. Rap and life are very different things. One is entertainment. The other has real people in it that are all going through stuff.

I like rap music. A lot. From conscience rap to the most ignorant stuff that comes out. Do I ACTUALLY think it's cool for someone to get shot? No. Do I ACTUALLY think it's cool to throw hundreds of dollars in the air? Not at all. We think these people are cool because they're in videos with hot women and money. We think, 'Yo, look at all the women he's got. That's awesome.' THESE WOMEN ARE PAID TO BE THERE! She didn't show up just because this person has clever rhyme schemes. THEY ARE PAID! You got ten grand? You can get this woman to stand in a hallway of your house for an hour. 

"Yeah. Sway from left to right next to this end table with a look in your eye that says you only ever think about having sex. And watch out for the door. My mom will be home soon."

These rappers are only ever shown with gorgeous, big ass women in short shorts who are just waiting to blow you. We think that's what they have. Not always true. You ever see Paul Walls wife? Or Snoop Doggs? Or T- Pains? Go look at these people right now. Regular looking human beings. They look good, but they don't look like the video girls. Would we think rappers were cool if they showed their real women in these videos? Probably not. You can't show someone who actually helps you through this life. Show the big tits, fake bullshit so everyone thinks you're killing it! Best is, these rappers are married to regular people, and we'll say those women are ugly because of the girls these rappers show us constantly in videos. 

"Yo, he married THAT girl? What about the woman leaning on that Maybach? She NEVER wears pants! He's a loser."

This idea to that rap puts out about not trusting people. This 'No New Friends' garbage. Just you, and four other people. Everyone else is trash. Don't trust people you don't know. Strangers are awful, terrible people who are trying to kill you. Talking to them ain't cool. Walk the earth with the five people you met when you were younger and NEVER make another friend. THAT'S cool.
"These people just happened to go to my daycare. I will only talk to them from now on. You stay over there. You are trash and I do not trust you. I will have no new friends of any kind at any point in life."
NEW FRIENDS! ALWAYS BE MAKING NEW FRIENDS! Is that not cool?

Dumb and ignorant is not cool. It's a wrestling move used in rap to make money. Actual dumb is not 'real' , 'straight up', or 'keeping it a hundred' It's just... straight... dumb.  You can't be smart and cool? You can't know about a foreign country without being cool? You can't  say 'I don't give a fuck' every three seconds and be a cool person? You can't have good marks, go to college, and care about your future if you want to be considered cool?

I'm tired of seeing that being cool is only ever talking about the good in your life. I did this, I did that. I'm doing this. I'm the best. That ain't cool! It's a fraud that most of us put up to look cool in front of other people. We are NOT all balling. And 'balling' is a stupid thing too. Most of the time it's people spending money they don't have on things they don't need.

"Gucci belt. Balling! I ain't got food at my house, but this fabric strap around my waste? Outta control, son!"

Making fun of celebrities is not cool. Stop doing it. Leave these people alone. Watch their movies, or listen to their music, and if you want to comment on those things? Sure. But jesus christ, making fun of what they're wearing, or how they walk, or what they eat, or how they react in an interview, just stop. You are not cool because you come up with the most clever way to say that Justin Bieber should burn alive in a drunk driving accident. You think you are? Find Perez Hilton and you two can beat each other off in a 'whose cattier?' circle.

Alcohol commercials show us that drinking is cool. Loud music, dancing. Cool, right? Sure. But when was the last time you were out in a place that resembled an alcohol commercial? Never. In REAL life, there are some unattractive people in a bar. 

"Heavens, no! We can't show them that? Why would they continue to drink Bud if they think that an ugly person is going to be around? Or a big person? We can't show big people! THEY DON'T EXIST WHEN YOU'RE DRINKING! Just good looking girls, and good looking/ goofy looking guys exist when Bud is around. EVERYONE knows that."

They never show commercials about actual things that happen when drinking. When was the last time they showed a commercial with someone throwing up? Or crying about their ex? Or drinking until they couldn't walk? Or fighting someone because they're too drunk to understand that you shouldn't do that? Can't show that stuff. That stuff ain't cool. I used to drink a ton. I've been around a bunch of people who did the same. Had drinking always been like a commercial, I never would have stopped. These commercials have the audacity to show a guy about to hook up with three hot girls, and then say 'Drink responsibly.' What? Why would anyone do that, when if you drink, apparently you are in places where there are only hot people that want you? You want me to be a sex machine responsibly? We're supposed to slow down on this magic fuck potion that makes everything amazing? Sure thing.

Being rude to people you don't know isn't cool. Screwing up your life isn't cool. Writing more than a thousand words in a blog about cool isn't cool, so I'll stop now.

Twitter@nathanmacintosh